The most personal statement of my life......."The world is an evil place where people can actually act like they love you but its a complete act or fairy tale. Depression is a very dangerous mental disease that take people away from reality and the unexpected happens. Now I have been blesed to be alive 40 years and I have lost everything from the people who really cared about me. I remembered peace and tranquility when they were around me then they left me without saying goodbye. I have experience the bitch side of women from my own mother to where today I really don't know anymore. I can say i wish I could get them back for 5 minutes to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I never do anything to anyone unless they had it coming to them. I have so called friends, frienemies, enemies and associates but no true loyalty. I have been backstabbed, threatened with death, cursed and even my children hates me now but that's the way of the world. I was so blessed to have my grandfather, Lucius Hollins whom I idolized cause he didn't give a damn about what you said or felt. He told about how family were and I saw it. He told me about how you really love a woman but I don't see what he saw about it. Love is only a metaphor of emotions that can either cause you to kill or kill yourself. Sometimes I keep my personal side away from the public because I protect it. When I suffered my first heart attack I was 3000 miles away alone and destroyed that nobody really gave a fucked until they saw me in person. I'm mentally and emotionally scarred but God has never left me. I don't want no pity nor advice because God talks to me in ways that none can imagine. Honestly, I feel like checking out and I feel like if I can't be free and respected as the next man then I don't want to be here anymore. Today is the first of many days alone and I feel peace without jokers, liars and whatever elements that continues to hurt me. Please God stop this inner pain and give me back my mind. amen!"
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